Unbreak Me
by foREVerAvengedSevenfold
Summary: Synyster feels lost without Jimmy. He doesn't want this any more. But Johnny is here to help him. Avenged Sevenfold fanfiction.


Inspired by this picture, where they all appear to be walking apart from Syn

albums/q644/pinklysmooth/image_

Please read and review :)

Even from our dressing room, I could here the fans screaming. From stage sider it waseven louder, and i found myself wishing i could be anywhere but here. Ten minutes until we start the show, and backstage was manic with roadies and band members preparing. I leaned my back against the wall, feeling the cold concrete push into my back, and let my eyes fall closed. I told myself it was an action to block out the manic preparation. In reality, it was an attempt to stop the tears from forming.

I pulled the pack of Marlboro from my pocket, pulling a cigarette out before lighting it, and taking a deep drag, holding in the smoke, willing it to calm me—all the while wishing I had something stronger. I was trying to stay off the drugs. They was the only things that made me better. But, after Johnny found me having OD'ed, almost dead, last tour, I couldn't even turn to drugs anymore. Of course, I told them all it was an accident, a simple mistake. I wouldn't have them thinking I was weak. Johnny was the only one who suspected my lie. He never confronted me about it, but I could see it in his eyes... A gentle pleading within them telling me to be okay. But I would never be okay.

Jimmy was gone. And with every tour, every show, every interview, I was reminded of it. My bestfriend—_my brother_—was gone. If it was anyone else, I think I could have coped. But _Jimmy_. I was closer to him than I was my family. Closer to him than I am my wife. And now he's gone I just feel like I'm falling apart. Part of me is gone.

I _was_ coping. Only just; but I was getting better. But with the new album, there's new photo shoots. These are the first photo shoots including Arin... Up to now, Jimmy was still our know drummer, but now, with Arin plastered all over the magazines, I'm losing him even more. Of course, it's not Arins fault, he's just doing his job. Every night of touring, and every day recording, I hear the drums, the rhythm that's so familiar and yet so odd. Old drum beats, with a new player behind them.

Everyone is so close to Arin now. He's no longer the 'new' member that he once was. When Jimmy first passed, it was easier. Every one was sharing their mourning. Sharing their pain. Now it's different. Sure, the band still talk about him, but not like we used to. Not like I _need_ too. God, anyone would think he was my lover or something the way I'm handling—or _not_ handling—his death. Almost four years now. Somewhere deep in my mind, I suppose I'm still expecting to come home one day, and have the drummer leap on me, shouting about it all being a joke and taking the piss out of us all for being so soppy. I swallowed back the lump in my throat, pushing the idea back to where it come from.

"Five minutes to show time, people!" I hear Jason shout, breaking me free from my thoughts. I open my eyes at last, blinking away the unshed tears. Throwing away my unsmoked, burnt down cigarette, I ran a hand though my hair, anything to keep my hands busy—anything to stop them shaking.

Matt, Arin, Johnny and Zacky all stood at the stage door, ready with their various equipment. It was where I should be, but I just couldn't bring myself to move. My feet felt heavy; concreted to the spot. I glared at them, willing them to move.

"You're not the only one that misses him, y'know." The familiar voice startled me, and my eyes jumped up to meet his jade ones. I hadn't heard him coming. "I know you're hurting Bri, but we've gotta face that fact he's not coming back... He's gone. He's left us." He finished softly.

"You make it sound like he had a choice. Like it was a betrayal." I retorted, my reply coming out harsher than I intended, making Johnny flinch.

"He promised me he would never leave, Brian." He said, his voice quiet and etched with so much pain. "The night he...left. He promised me he would never—" Johnny stopped quickly, breaking eye contact and dropping his eyes to the floor. "I miss him as much as you, Brian. I've seen you looking over to the drums whilst we're playing. I see that spark in your eyes die as you remember it's not _him_that's sat behind them. I _know_, because I do it too."

Silence settled between us, as both of us were left speechless and holding back tears. I blew out a shaky breath. "It feels like we're letting him fade away, Johnny." I said quietly, trying to hide the tremor in my voice.

Johnny's eyes locked with mine for a brief moment, before something in him broke, and he lurched forward, wrapping his arms around me. It took me a moment to realise what was going on, and then I wrapped my arms tightly around him. Out the corner of my eye I could see Matt and Zacky staring at our embrace. Right now I couldn't care less what they were thinking. I _needed_ this right now. Needed someone who knew what I was feeling.

"As long as we're together, Jimmy will never fade away." Johnny whispered in my ear. I blew out a breath and hugged him tighter, feeling my emotions settle for the first time in a long time.

"Oi lovebirds, time to get on stage!" Matt bellowed. I felt Johnny laugh beside me, and I chuckled too as I released him from the embrace.

"Thank you, Johnny."

"Anytime, Bri. You're not alone, y'know. We all miss him. Don't suffer in silence, I'm always here if you need to talk." Johnny gave me a sad smile, before picking up his bass and turning towards the stage.

I looked up to the ceiling, thinking once again of Jimmy, before picking up my guitar and walking towards the stage along with Johnny, somehow knowing that things will get easier if I have him there to help me.


End file.
